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  • The Mailman's Retirement
  • Admiring Our Own Work
  • Take Your Choice
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    Admiring Our Own Work

    pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
    A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
    The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
    After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
    "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."

    Take Your Choice

    A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
    The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"
    "Look! We're going fishing and that's final."
    "Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!"
    "Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!"
    The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"
    "Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!"
    The wife sits and thinks about it.
    Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?"
    The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!"
    "Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!"
    "Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

    Desparate Measures

    A couple were having financial problems until finally they couldn't stand it any more. The husband said to his wife that is was necessary for her to make some money through prostitution to get by.
    So the husband drove her to the place where she had to do the job and in the evening he picked her up again.
    "So, how much have you earned today?" the husband asked.
    "Well", the woman responded, "I've made one hundred dollars and fifty cents."
    "That's strange", the husband responded, "who gave you the fifty cents?"
    Said the woman: "All of them, of course!"

    An Innocent Enough Enquiry A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"
    The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
    "Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."
    An Accidental Encounter

    A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
    They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
    She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

     

     

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