| The Man Who Has Everything |
Q: What should you give a man who has everything?
A: Penicillin |
| It's What You Do With It That Counts |
A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing?
She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing.
To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"
Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."
The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."
To which the lady replied, "Yeah, but you have all the equipment!" |
| A Typical Male |
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts. |
| At The Singles Bar |
Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A: At the circus the clowns don't talk. |
|
The Condoms Board |
Man
enters a drugstore and asks the
pharmacist for a pack of condoms.
The Pharmacist asks, "What size?"
to which the man replies,
"I'm not exactly sure." The
pharmacist grabs something from
under the counter and hands it to
the man, "Well, take this board with
holes, go to the bathroom and the
hole your erect penis fits into is
the correct size of condom for you."
20 minutes later the man comes back
and tells the pharmacist, "I've
changed my mind, I don't need the
condoms. How much is this board"? |
|
Trucker at the Whore House |
A
trucker goes into a whorehouse and
hands the Madam five hundred dollars.
He says, "I want your ugliest woman
and a bologna sandwich." The Madam
says, "For that kind of money, you
could have one of my finest girls and
surf and turf." The trucker says, "I
ain't horny, I'm homesick." |
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